profile.18yo. Muslim. Daughter of Mhd Soif. Love's.
Some facts about the OWNER of the blog.
50 kg | 164 cm |
Your comments are highly appreciated :).
? A tribute to a Korean singer, Kim Feel.
? The cold yet serene breeze
? series of my #wickedthoughts
? Leo and Aquarius
? The story of me and my ex.
? The Ups and Downs
? "In his favorite black tshirt"
And here I am, writing this entry in a cold morning, but I'm gonna do it anyway.
Ok, this entry is a tribute to a male Korean singer, whose name is not that popular
but he is well known in so many Korean music programs.
you can't imagine how happy I was on that particular day.
ok I'll tell you the story from the start.
When I was in Sarawak, I remember watching King Mask Singer as an entertainment on the evening
while I was eating my dinner. I watched this episode (47), and listened to the contestants singing
on the screen. but, there was this one guy, a singer, who successfully grabbed my heart by singing
a lovely song called, Time Spent Walking on Memories.
It was revealed in that music program that
his name was Kim Feel. That song is not his. It is belong to a Korean band, called Nell.
(you can check them out here here)
Okay. so, I want this song badly to be in my walkman ok. I looked for this song in mp3 version but
I COULDN'T FIND THE DECENT ONE WITHOUT THE AUDIENCE AND JUDGES VOICES!!
after months of listening to the extract of the video... I decided to send a direct message to Kim Feel's
personal Instagram account.
yeah babes, I requested him to do a studio version of that song. A cover.
and I didn't expect him to reply or to really do it because, hey, he is a KOREAN SINGER
whom I never met, and is (of course) a busy person. Plus, we're not even in the same country
and I couldn't (yet) speak in his language.
BUT! THERE'S A BIIIGGGGGGG BUT. (my highschool english teacher's favourite phrase)
HE DID SING THE SONG!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! I STILL FEEL THE CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE
WHEN I WRITE THIS ENTRY OK!!!!!!! SO NICE OF HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!
on 31st of October 2016, he posted a snippet and a picture of him singing the song in his studio and
man... that was the happiest day of my life!!!!!!!
*why would you believe that he sing that song for you? hello? are you the Queen of Malaysia?
or her girlfriend? you're not even in his country you idiot*
ok ok ok.
You guys probably don't believe what I had said, but believe me, I didn't believe it either.
Here's the reasons on why I believe that he responded to my message by giving (me) and his fans
Number one. That episode of King Mask Singer was broadcast on February 2016. The actual
filming was probably on late January.
Number two. I've looked everywhere... for that song but no cover was made by him. (which was sad).
Lets say, if he wanted to do a cover after he sing it on that music prog, I believe he had already made
it and posted it on his Youtube account.
BUT NAHHHH.... what I believe might be 99% true. He read my message and decided to do a cover
because why? BECAUSE HE IS A NICE PERSON AFTER ALL!!!!
okay. I'm done. Bless you Kim Feel. I'll love you 'till the end.
Zaihasra Mhd Soif (자이핫스라)
your Malaysian fan.
After that night which I regret the most
The night where I told myself "I'll be okay"
"I will not regret this" "This is the best choice for myself"
And I pushed him away
With the thoughts "I am a nuisance, an unwelcome burden"
But still, every single night after that
I'm looking for him in everything I see
Like how I watch those teen romantic movies
So that I can delude myself with
"He loves me like how the main male character loves his heroine"
"He is probably trying his best to make things right"
And by this, it means I can't help but keep blaming myself
Thousand times, for letting him go
For taking him for granted but
Does he know?
That I just can't break the walls
That I've built bit by bit, every time love comes by
Trying to settle in my heart
I hear his voice in everything I hear
I hear the words he was trying to say back in highschool
When I listen to the songs he let me listen to
I never knew that that one text he sent to me was a song
With a beautiful meaning
And again, I put the blame on me because I never let him speak
I never try to listen to what he was trying to say
I found him. I found him again
After I swallowed my pride and took the chance
That was probably the last
He is still the same
He is like the cold yet serene breeze
But I like it anyway.
Still, the anxiousness couldn't be thrown away
Because I know,
Breeze doesn't last long.
in the holy month of Ramadan. And I gave them my opinion, which was '1 day of fasting, they will get RM1 or RM2'. However, one of my sisters said that that method will spoiled the children and
make them fast because of money. I totally cannot agree with this. Back in the days, my mom used
the same method for me to learn fasting. If I fast fully in the month of Ramadan, I will get RM50 for
my duit raya. So here's the point. Takde pulak when I grew up to this big, I fast because of money.
So, to me, teaching kids to fast and give them some rewards after that is not a bad thing.
2. I've read some people tweets to not let our children watch Doraemon because it will make them
spoiled and always ask for help just like how Nobita does to Doraemon. Hey people, wake up!This
is not the time to distort their childhood moment. Let them live in it. Aku dulu pun tengok gak
Doraemon sampai ke besar ni hah. Takde pulak doa mintak ada Doraemon kalau dapat homework
addmaths masa sekolah dulu.
and i teased my sister for being unexpectedly banyak cakap when she talked about her zodiac
and how it really matches her personality. (my 3rd sister rarely talks)
so we decided to look on each of our family members' zodiac and see if they're match.
and they are!
i know muslims shouldn't believe horoscope or zodiac but we only did this for fun ok and just to
know which member suits us well and which is not.
so, it was really hilarious to discover what my mom's personality, strengths and weaknesses, what
she likes and what she dislikes. we read all of our family members' zodiacs and found out what
their real 'nature' are and it was really fun. (you can talk about this whenever u got no topic to
talk with your family, ok? just for fun and bonding time)
and i was amazed how it really match us all and we read all the possibilities for our works and
Yes!!!!! the best topic has come people!!!!! LOVE LIVE!!!!!!
it says there that Leo's best partner for marriage is someone from Aquarius.
(and I already have someone in my mind.)
it says there that our personalities match well, we are likely to be a good couple, we will
support each other. and it says there that Leo is a Sun, and Aquarius is a Lightning, and they're
both exist in different time, where lightning exists when it is about to rain. so, this means that
we are a suitable for each other, where both of us can rule the relationship in different position or
different time. (that means if i was down at the moment, he will take the lead)
and I read that Leo loves freedom and it says there that Aquarius will gives his partner her freedom and will not control her. (AND THAT'S WHY MY HEART SAYS THAT YOU ARE BORN
FOR ME, LOVE hahahaha)
ok that was superstitious.
link = www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com
We started to date because of my series of short-story of me and my friends and their boyfriends,
which were just my illusions. i paired them up and wrote their love stories and man, some of them
dated in real life. thanks to me i guess.
and I dated mine too.
It was heart-fluttering moments in my life where my senior (yeah he is one year older than me)
asked me to date him. and obviously i said yes lah kan. this love memang sangat cinta monyet gais.
we dated for 1-2 months and broke up. i was sad but i kept my head high. ego wins people!
year later he apologized and asked me to date him again. and i said yes because i truly loved him.
we shared so many things together. i was really in love with him. he was so understanding.
he understood that i cant always text him and call him cause i will be dead if my mom knows.
he understood my situation, which make me fell in love with him over and over again.
we used 'awak-saya' and i was so 'forward', and asked him to call me with sweet names.
and, eventually he called me sayang. (which i must say that i kinda regret bcus i was the one who asked for it)
i can't help but smile whenever i think that it was really amazing that we both share the same
we dated for like 1 year and he cheated on me. we broke up.
things went on for like 1 week and he said he regret it. and he want me again.
and i accept him back (because i really love him i dont want anyone else)
year later he cheated on me again. but we didnt break up. instead, i cheated on him back.
(here came the devil inside of me)
and eventually we broke up.
years went by and now, we are on a good term. we are friends.
on some nights, honestly i miss his presence. i miss his lame jokes. i miss everything about him.
on some nights, i curse myself cuz i was so stupid by letting him in again and again and again.
on some nights, i realized, that if it was not him, i will never learn to love, to trust, to live again
after he broke me apart.
and that's life. and i do learn that first love will never work out.
day of my life. The second falls for the day I lost my sister's camera, which was on my graduation day (form 3).
Ok, back to the topic. It was because of a really small thing. Nowadays Malaysia is so hot we literally
sweating after taking shower. And, that morning I helped my mom at the shop, I cooked lunch and I
swept the floor so that noon I needed a break. I was sweating like hell.
My mom planned to go to the town and it is my duty to drive her there. I said to my mom that "we don't have to rush things" and I wanted to cool down first. And I'm pretty sure she heard that. So, as I was
walking to the bathroom I saw my mom already finished getting ready.
She said furiously to me, "If I'm done, I'll just go without you." and to be honest, I was mad at that time.
The urge to answer her back was really hard to resist, but I kept it inside my mind.
Ok, to make things short my mom left me and went to the town alone when I was performing my zuhur
prayer. When I finished reciting the doa, I looked outside of the windows and tara! My mom had already left.
I cried. Not because of she left me behind, but the fact that she didn't understand and appreciate to what
I had done that morning. I was left with bewilderment, anger and frustration.
Bla bla bla. My mom wheedled me with Kinder Bueno that I really really love. and now we are okay.
AND THIS ALSO BRINGS ANOTHER PROBLEM WHICH IS, MY BROTHER!
(fxck my life)
I posted the picture of that Kinder Bueno on my Twitter and just now my brother 'likes' it.
and that was nothing until.........................
I saw his tweet saying, "It hurts me. But I just keep it to myself. You have always got everything that you
wanted while I... Yeah, who am I compared to you. It's okay, I understand."
AND I KNOW THAT TWEET WAS FOR ME.
but, i don't have the energy to fight over another small things. Ignorance is a bliss.
The wind blew softly against my face as I sat beside the dirty-glass windows, looking at those enormous trees across the road being cut down by several men. I was waiting for someone. I smiled, and continued to work on my super-hard Mathematics exercises. From afar, I heard footsteps that I really recognized. I didn’t know what makes those footsteps sounded so lovely to me, but it was. And there he was, with his heavy black bag hanging on his right shoulder, smiling at me at the front door. This man, he gave me the taste of sweetness of a teenager’s life. He was like a long-lost puzzle that completed me when I was 18 years old. He was here.
I waved back at him, replying his beaming smile he gave to me earlier. I straightened my back, watching him as he pulled a blue chair with his left hand towards me. He put his black bag on the other desk and he quickly sat on the chair and released an exhausting sigh. He was tired of carrying the bag from his room I guessed. We sat there, in front of each other without a word at first, because I knew he needed to catch his breath. He glanced at his watch, and said ‘I’m sorry, I was late’, with his voice as deep as the Atlantic sea. His black eyes darted in mine as he said those words. I brushed my thick brunette hair with my delicate fingers and said ‘it’s okay’ and again, he smiled. I called him ‘Mentos’, I just didn’t know why I called him that, and he seemed don’t mind it. He even answered when I asked my other friend for a Mentos, that chewy Mentos. He thought I called him.
He was fairer than me. He was fairer than most of the girls in my class, and the fairest among the guys. I always feel this feeling, kind of embarrassed when he played with my hands, when he touched my fingers and complimented them that they were so small compared to his. He always placed his heart-shaped face on my shoulder as he took a nap after class ended. I could feel his warm breath on my skin. I didn’t mind that, I knew he was tired. He was taller than me, my face would perfectly buried on his broad chest when he hugged me. His black eyes were almond-shaped and spaced evenly apart, sitting under his thick black eyebrows. He would place his long-round chin on my head as he held me from behind, and his strong, well build arms around me allowed me to feel his warmth.
His red lips showed that he didn’t smoke and would purse when he was concentrating, and I found that was attractive. He had black colored cropped hair. His face was clean from facial hair. Despite his well build body, he would always slouched when he sit. His clothes would be either black or grey and he wore hooded sweatshirt a lot. He loved to wear dark-colored cargo pants, he told me it was because crop pants didn’t suit him well. I laughed at that. Simply cladded in his favorite round-neck long-sleeve black T shirt and ash brown cargo pant, we would go and ride the bus to nowhere and have ice cream, watch people walk passed us and went home by train as the sun rose. I always love the way he interacted with people around him, how he make faces when we walked behind moms who were holding their babies until the babies giggled. I liked it when he shook hands with my dad every time he went to my house and how we would walk with our fingers intertwined and his left hand in his pocket. I just loved it, the roughness of his hands, makes me feel like I was holding my father’s hand. I felt safe whenever I was in his arms.
He was somewhat reserved, he didn’t like to be in the limelight, he was thoughtful, he cared for people he loved. I always love to smell his scent. He smelled so fresh, like a squeezed lemon, and at the same time he smelled masculine. Once I asked him what perfume he used, but he told me that it wasn’t perfume, it was his deodorant. I was dumbfounded, and I laughed again. He didn’t tell me the brand, and I was slightly disappointed. That Friday night, on December 12th, I was waiting for him to come to the café we always hang around. It was chilly and I wrapped myself with white hoodie that he gave to me. I was waiting for him for two hours and I felt like I just want to punch him when he got there. That was when I got a call from his mother, saying that he was in hospital. That was when I knew, all this time he had lung tumor. But he didn’t die because of that. He died while trying to save an injured-three-legged cat on the road.
I cried my lungs out after I got out from the room. I couldn’t help it, it was hard to breathe like my lungs couldn’t accept the oxygen. I watched him from outside of the glass door, he lied down so peacefully I felt like I want to smack him in the face so he would wake up and tell me that it was just a prank. Instead, he just laid there. Very still, yet very beautiful. On that cold black night I realized that after this, I couldn’t smell his scent, I couldn’t feel his warmth and I couldn’t feel the safety and comfort he could give me when he hold me in his arms. Day goes by and now, he’s not here.